The Karmic Consequences -- stir up a storm and continue

Is it good? Is it bad?
Who knows.
I just know that right now, if someone says something nasty - I will start crying. Big strong me. Crying.

Rannsakan: undrar om det är SÅ jag upplevs? så att man börjar gråta? Undrar undrar. Jag har alltid talat  fritt och rakt och sagt vad jag tycker, tycker jag (men inte min ena dotter!) - och det straffar sig tydligen alltid, för mig. Så det kanske är karmiskt.  Må så vara. Nu ska det göras Ngöndro.  Ordentligt.

I will admit

.. that I am disappointed.  Life's blows always disappoint me a bit. But I am not down and out, just blown away a bit.
When there is such a strong wind coming from the side, that it makes change to a parallel path by sheer force, you cannot NOT like it.  But is disappointing in the sense that the people you trusted, are no longer trustworthy, the things you believed it, are not to be believed and the road that you were walking on is no longer.
This reminds me again of Nagarjuna's "Where is the walking?" verses in MulaMadhyaMakaKarika. There is no road, there is no this is right, nor is there the opposite. The whole thing does not exist except as a construction.
And yet there it is. What a strange phenomena!

Is it not amazing...

.. how quickly Karma or Life puts a break on things?

In the matter of a few weeks - there is a break on my engagement and interaction with my sweet Sangha, a new sincerity with Rinpoche, a break on how intensely I need to help my dad who is now 89, a break on availability of work, a break on - even perhaps Nepal this year.

It almost looks like a thought - a stream, a will.  Karmic consequences playing out in the open field of my life. I am the observer this time, not the one wielding sticks and stones.

AND... no anxiety, folks, I have none. There is plan B and plan C even. And if that does not work - just rest. At the very very root, on the platform of my practice, there is the nice thought: "sigh - another sign of impermanence, well well".  Resting in this impermanence is a tremendous relief.  I do not have to care, just patiently do what I have to do, and go with the flow.

So - something in my HAS happened. Here is the proof. All those "frustrations" (ie. Ngöndro prostrations)  - all those meditation practices, have given me a something to hold on to or rather has helped me to totally let go of holding on.  My reliance on others very diminished, my reliance on "luck" totally lacking.
My reliance on "me - myself - I" negligent.  Nice, very nice. A kind of happiness appears at the center of the chaos.  Eye of the storm - still, magnificent and ready.

Munich - München, close to airport

THIS IS SO sad -- all these young men died in Russia and elsewhere for the
nazi leader's crazy war. The thing that touches me, is that it is the SONS of people of
this village. .. so sad ... so sad ...

Thank goodness for Rinpoche!

So things do turn, and turn quickly.
Our Rinpoche is the BEST -- THE BEST!

Yesterday -- I just wanted to leave -- all together

Just felt all of the bricks hitting me one by one  - very slightly, but very regularly.
Ha ha -- that is the way life and karma is -- let us strive for enlightenment and no more Karma:

My Saraswati Tattoo - 5 sitttings - all in all around 15 hours worth of work

1st sitting - end of Aug 2013, lines. Quite Painful - but not worse than that I could study at the same time.

2nd sitting - shades and the green, some red detail.  Acceptable pain. Still studying.

3rd sitting - more shades -- and the very large SKIRT.  Quite painful afterwards.  The skirt covers from underneath armpit to beyond the vertebrae.  Lots of red. Lots of itching before healing. 

Jewelry, lotus, yellow skirt detail. Small irritating things that hurt. But she is getting there.
Here follows Christmas - so I get a break to heal properly.

Here she is - the perfected Saraswati - with a burning lotus mandala in the back and with dark shadows behind the wings. She is beautiful and her mantra is:
Om Hrih Mahamayange Mahasarasvatyai namah

read more on her significance here: http://denisevestin.blogspot.se/2013_09_01_archive.html

Interested in where to get such a thing in Stockholm? Open Arms Tattoo with Tattoo Artist David: